I have been thinking about accounting standards. In the current system it seems that everything that is not specifically forbidden is allowed. How odd. It’s not that way for me when I pay taxes. Instead I only get to write numbers in a form. Don’t you think a lot of needless confusion and accountant’s fees could be saved with the following approach. I mean what is the point of having two kinds of profits one for the IRS and one for the shareholders ?
SEC form 1040 (corporate profit and loss statement for all publicly traded corporations)
All publicly traded corporations must complete SEC form 1040
All public statements includine the words, profit, loss, earninngs, net revenue or any synonyms of paraphrases of the above (as assessed in federal criminal court) must include as an attachment SEC form 1040. All verbal statements must be immediately followed by a reading of SEC form 1040 at a rate of no more than 100 words a minute and a volume of no less than 50 db. Any corporate officer who chooses to make verbal claims including the words profit, loss, earninngs, net revenue or any synonyms of paraphrases of the above (as assessed in federal criminal court) swears under penalty of perjury that he can prove that they were followed by a reading of SEC form 1040 at a rate of no more than 100 words a minute and a volume of no less than 50 db. SEC form 1040 can be found at http://www.sec.gov/wannagotojailsucker/form1040. SEC form 1040 can be obtained on paper by writing to
The Securities and Exchange Commission (somewhere in Washington). To fill out the form it is necessary and sufficient to type numbers/ or the words yes or no in the blank spaces in the form. No verbal explanations or qualifications are required or allowed. Complete instructions can be obtained by clicking on (instructions) immediately to the right of the number indicating the question. It is strongly recommended that the corporate chief financial officer read the complete form before filling it in. Assistance is available (for patient CFO’s) by calling SEC hotline number 123-456-789 (I'm sure no one is reading this but I thought I better not put in a US phone number just to be safe).
Federal paperwork reduction act notice. 1 minute is required to complete the form. The time required to collect information required varies.
1. My corporation as publicly listed corresponds to a legal entity for the purposes of the corporate income tax
(if you answered yes go to 2 if you answered no go to 3)
2. My corporation reported profits as in box 1 for the purposes of the corporate income tax Box 1________
3. I have begun procedures to reincorporate so that corporation as publicly listed corresponds to a legal entity for the purposes of the corporate income tax.
If no go to 4.
4. I understand that I have the right to remain silent and that anything I say or write may be used against me in a court of law.
It is illegal to publish or distribute to the public in any way any document which describes itself as a profit and loss statement (or synonym or paraphrase) which does not begin with the completed SEC form 1040.